


When you're young they assume you know nothing

by Belensthoughts



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Again, Bellamy monologuing, Best Friends, F/M, Fluff, Inner Bellamy thoughts, Mutual Pining, Past Lovers, Pining, but not really, cuz I miss him, inspired by a taylor swift song - Freeform, some kind of Exes to lovers, some sort of coffe Au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27486022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belensthoughts/pseuds/Belensthoughts
Summary: Inspired by Cardigan, Clarke and Bellamy used to be best friends and then friends with benefits until Clarke's eighteenth birthday. Seven years later, they run into each other in a small coffee shop, on her birthday.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 66





	When you're young they assume you know nothing

**Author's Note:**

> I can't stop listening to folklore by Taylor Swift and I love and miss Bellarke so much (not season 7 bellarke, I don't know them), especially Bellamy. I wanted to write something from his perspective and I wanted him to be an overthinker and I wanted something cheesy and happy because they deserve it. Anyways, hope you enjoy it, there's a flashback in cursive, by the way. Oh, and Clarke was pre-med so she went to school a semester before everyone else, kind of like Gabriella in HSM. Just because I thought Clarke should a Capricorn, not a Leo or a Gemini.

It was 10 a.m. on a tuesday morning, he looked at the clock, took a sip of his coffee and then looked at the blank page in front of him. He should be writing, completing the world he had started, telling the story of this amazing warrior whose battles had scarred more than her body, but his attention was elsewhere. 

He looked at the empty coffee shop, there was only one person in line, a tall, brunette guy, talking loudly on the phone, asking the person on the other end if they knew what day it was and oh boy, did he know what day it was. It was January 14th.

Why did he know? If nothing out of the ordinary had happened that day, may you ask? Well, it hadn’t that specific day, but 25 years ago? She was born. Her muse. Every 14th of January, he had to act like a normal person, act like he didn’t remember it was her birthday, like it wasn’t the day he had planned on telling her how he felt seven years ago. 

Like he hadn’t bought her favorite flowers, a locket, with the secret hope that she’d put a picture of both of them in there, and a new shirt to look presentable in. But she was kissing someone else at her birthday party and he just had to leave.

He couldn’t really blame her, they had been casual, she had said that she liked him and he didn’t say anything back, she probably thought it meant he didn’t feel anything of the sorts back, but he was really just trying not to tell her he was in love with her, trying to keep it all for the surprise. He was young and stupid and thought it was going to be romantic, but thinking back, it was as much his fault as it was hers. I mean, maybe 30-70, to be honest.

So now, on another 14th of January he was drinking his coffee in a little cafe, while rain was pouring outside his window and trying desperately not to write about her. He had a book to finish and all he could think about was how she was the first person to make him feel like he was worth something, how, when everything felt too much around him, him being so little, she was the first to say he had value. How she made him feel, with every hug, every smile, everytime she came looking for his advice, his help, it made him feel stupidly proud to be that person to her, to bring her comfort. 

He should’ve probably realized he had to tell her he was in love with her a lot sooner and not when she came talking to him about this girl Lexa. And he should've probably realized that if he didn’t show his hand soon, he was going to lose her to the brunette, because of the way she looked at them, when they were together. But he was a fool, too proud to have kissed her and being kissed back, to be secretly holding her hand and kissing her on his shitty car and being the one she came to at night after that day. He could still listen to her high heels on the cobblestone outside his house the last night they spent together. How the sound only built up anticipation and he had opened the door even before she had knocked, because he was so eager to kiss her and drag her to his room.

Even after seven years he could remember how soft her skin was, how those damn heels sounded the next morning and how it felt to wake up next to her, how his sheets would smell of her for days later. He still couldn’t go into the bar he used to go with her, where they had their first kiss, one that was interrupted by her smile. He still hated stars, because of the ones she drew on his scars in his arms. He still wondered what his life would be like if he’d just told her. How it would be like if he just…

“Bellamy?” he heard suddenly, taking him out of his thoughts, an unsure voice a few steps from him. It was her, as if he had summoned her with his thoughts, she was in front of him, after seven years.

“Clarke...wow.” They both looked at each other in silence, stunned probably, never thinking it was impossible the other was in front of them. “You haven’t changed at all” he said smiling and standing up, trying to act composed. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so he let one go through his hair, she was not going to accept a hug after everything that went down and as much as he missed her, he wasn’t ready for that either. He hadn’t lied, though, her blonde hair was shorter, but her blue eyes could still light up a whole town and her face still held kindness and strength. 

“That’s kind of you, I definitely don’t look like an eighteen year old anymore, but that’s okay. What are you doing here?” she walked towards him with a to-go cup in hand and as much of an idiot he felt for it, he motioned for her to take the seat across him, he knew she was going to turn him down, but the sadistic part of him wanted to know if she’d make time for him.“I… okay, yeah”

He smiled and sat himself, feeling more confident, like he had won something “I live here, actually here, in this building, two stories up.”

“Really? I’ve always wanted to come to this little coffee shop, but always had something else to do.” She sighed and he wanted to ask what was wrong, squeeze her hand maybe, make her smile. But he couldn’t, he didn’t know how to, what were the boundaries, they hadn’t spoken in so long. “I didn't know you moved to the big apple”

“I didn’t know you were here either, we haven’t… you know… spoken”

“Yeah, but I follow your sister on instagram, I thought she’d… I don’t know, I always thought that where you went she’d go too. Or vice versa, since she’s been travelling”

“No, we’re not a package deal, not anymore.”

There was an uncomfortable silence and he decided to drink some of his coffee, she was looking outside, the way he had just moments ago and he wished he could read her mind, the way he felt he could all those years ago.

After some more moments of wistfulness in her face, she asked “What were you doing here?” feigning chirpiness, at least that he could still pick up on. 

“Trying to finish my book, it’s been a non-productive morning, though.” He said quickly, trying not to linger too much in the fact that he was writing a book.

“You’re a writer? A real life writer?”

“What other kind is there?” he asked, smiling at her, trying not to smirk because he knew she found it attractive and it would be weird to do it with that knowledge.

“I don’t know… I just… that’s so cool. Is that why you’re in New York?”

“I mean, I could write from anywhere in the world, but it felt good to move here.” She opened her mouth and then closed it and he tried to ease the tension that that left moving the focus onto her, “What about you? Why did you move here?”

“It felt good too, like a new beginning. I finished school and applied for jobs here.”

He made quick math on his mind and realized something, “So you didn’t go to med-school”

“No, I combined my two passions, art and medicine and I’m an art therapist now.”

“That’s pretty cool. I’m glad.” They smiled at each other and he wanted to say something else, anything that would keep her here, but her phone rang.

“I’m sorry, I have to take this.” He nodded and she picked up the phone, “Hi!, yes, I know, I’ll be there in ten, I promise… I’m sorry, yes I’m on my way. Okay, bye.” She hang up and looked at him apologetically.

“It’s okay, you have somewhere to be” he said with a sad smile. It was short, but he was happy to see her again. 

“Yes, but now I know you’re around here so we'll see each other soon.”

“Yeah, I’m always here.” he wasn’t, probably once a week, but if it upped his chances to see her, he was going to come everyday. 

“Good, it was nice seeing you again Bellamy” she smiled and put her hand on top of his really quick before turning around and leaving. 

Again.

He smiled sadly again, because he was still so pathetic when it came to her. Octavia called him up on it all the time, how all he did was hooking up and the only two relationships he had had ended because he couldn’t commit to them. He couldn’t commit to someone who wasn’t Clarke. 

He tried to go for brunettes, tall women that looked nothing like her, that wouldn’t bring up memories from his teenage years. But he couldn’t be open with them, he couldn’t show them his scars, couldn’t tell them his fears without giving them a piece of him that he didn’t have anymore, that she took when she left. 

He knew the second he let her go that he’d always regret it, that she’d always be the greatest what if in his life, but he couldn’t take it all back. He was so hurt. 

So she had haunted him, in his dreams, in his memories, in his stories, there was always a fierce blonde, sometimes a love interest, sometimes his protagonist, sometimes a past love the protagonist couldn’t forget, but her presence could always be felt in his stories. 

He didn’t really know much when he was young, but he knew she’d be important, the second he saw her walk in school alongside Octavia, he knew she’d be the death of him and as time went, he got to know her and he realized that he’d gladly die for her. It scared him, because Octavia was the only one he’d die for beforehand. Maybe their mom, before she actually died and when they lived with their aunt Indra, he knew he didn’t need to die for her, she could take care of herself. 

And now Octavia could take care of herself too and as bad as that it sounds, it crushed him. His sole purpose in life had always been to take care of O. His sister, his responsibility. And then, she didn’t need him, she needed space from him, she needed somebody else.

That’s the real reason to move to New York, when O left to travel the world, after Lincoln was killed and she didn’t want to see him or Ark City, he didn’t want to be there either. He didn’t want to be in a town full of ghosts, full of women he loved leaving him one way or another. 

So he came to New York, because he wanted to be a writer and he was a cliche. 

He sighed, trying to re-focus on his work, but now that he’d seen her it was even harder to write about something else, so he opened another tab and started to pour his heart into it, his feelings, his memories, everything he could write about her before his phone rang at two in the afternoon.

“Hello, big brother.”

“Hi, O. How’s Thailand treating you?”

“Amazing. We’re cleaning a beach today. Did I tell you a volunteer brought her little daughter, Hope? She’s so precious and I got to teach her some taekwondo yesterday”

“Don’t tell me you’re having a baby fever already. You’re 25”

“Don’t be crazy. I love her because she’s a very polite five year old that I don’t have to calm down when she is having a tantrum or is sick.”

“Cool, I don’t want to have a niece or nephew I won’t be able to see.”

“It’s chill. I don’t even have a boyfriend yet.”

“Like that would stop you if you really wanted a kid.”

“Shut up. How’s it going over there?”

“It’s chill." he repeated, unsure if that was the right use of the expression "I’m going through a bit of a writer’s block.”

“Does it have to do with the date?”

“What date is it?” he asked, very badly hiding the fact that he knew exactly what day it was and that he had to bite his tongue not to wish Clarke herself a happy birthday.

“Yeah, like you’re so clueless about Clarke’s birthday. You haven’t been clueless about it the last seven years, it’s clear that you won’t start now.”

“I could be over her.”

“But you’re not. And I’m tired of seeing you like this, you deserve happiness Bell, either with her or with someone else and you won’t get closure until you see her again. Why don’t you just take your head out of your ass and follow her on instagram I bet she’d talk to you.”

“I don’t even have an instagram”

“I know, you should have one. You’re a 26 year old, Bellamy, not a 65 old man who doesn’t know what a selfie is.”

“I know what it is, I’m just not a fan of taking them.”

“You’re a lost cause. Would it help if I told you I know where she is?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you, actually I was hoping you guys would see each other before this, but since it hasn’t happened and I’m over it, I’ve seen her posting pictures of her with her location being fairly close to your apartment.”

So she lived close by, that’s why she knew about the little coffee shop. 

“I know”

“What? Have you been stalking her, Bell?”

“No”

“Is that why you moved to New York?”

“O, stop it. I saw her this morning. For the first time since I’ve moved here”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“There’s nothing to tell, she came by the coffee shop on my building, we chatted for about five minutes and she had to go. It’s chill.” he knew that he didn’t sound _chill_ at all. 

“Did you ask for her number?”

“No”

“BELLAMY BLAKE! YOU’VE BEEN DYING TO SEE HER AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN ASK FOR HER NUMBER?”

“O, stop screaming. It’s all good, she said she’d come by more often, we’ll probably see each other again.”

“You’re an idiot, brother. You’ll be anxious until you see her now.”

“Stop nagging me, didn’t you have a beach to clean?”

“Just tell her the truth when you see her again, okay?”

“Fine. I’ll...try.”

“You’re infuriating.”

“Yeah, but you love me.”

“Always. Bye big brother.”

“Bye, O. Say hi to Hope for me.”

“She’s mine.”

Octavia hung up and he smiled at the phone before picking his stuff up to go home and have lunch, it was late, but he had been so immersed in writing that he hadn’t realized how long it had been. 

He was walking outside when he saw her again, on the sidewalk. 

“Clarke?” he asked

“Hi, I was wondering if I’d see you again here”

He smiled, hopeless, she was thinking about him, “I was writing and actually forgot to eat”

“I’m glad you got to do something you love so much you forget to eat.”

“Thanks.” There was an awkward silence, he didn’t want for her to go so soon, but she’d be probably busy. “Do you..?”

“How about..?” she asked as the same time as him, they both smiled and Clarke looked at the floor, she seemed somewhat flushed but he had to be imagining that, right?

“You first” he said trying not to walk closer to her, it was really hard to resist but he was managing.

“I was thinking that I’d really like to catch up with you, so how about we have lunch together?”

His stomach did a little flip at that, he had told Octavia that he’d try to tell her the truth but he didn’t know if he was ready. He still wanted to spend time with her, though “yeah, how about we go to my apartment and order take out?”

She seemed surprised that he accepted and also excited, he knew that not everyone could read Clarke Griffin, but he took pride in seeing that he could still see the little and quick changes in her face, “yeah, that’d be awesome.” She said composed.

“C’mon” he said, trying to be _chill_ , he only ever used that word with O because he felt more young, but he never actually felt _chill_. Especially not now, when Clarke was walking behind him to get into the apartment building. “I’m sorry if there’s too many things everywhere, I didn’t know I’d have a visitor”

“It’s alright, Bellamy.” God, he loved the way his name sounded on her lips. How could he be so wrecked already? They hadn’t seen each other in seven years, she could’ve turned into a murderer and he’d be like ‘please say my name again’. He was so pathetic.

He opened the door to the building and let her go through first, “I hope you don’t mind going up two stories on the stairs, there’s no elevator.”

“It’s okay, I would mind if you lived in the tenth floor, but two it’s not bad”

They fell into a companionable silence, he liked that it wasn’t awkward, in spite of all the words unsaid between them, he hoped he had enough time to say them all, but honestly it felt like his whole life wouldn’t be enough. He had so much to say and didn’t know how.

They arrived at his door, he opened it and she went in first again. Her eyes took everything in hungrily, she smiled when she saw the many books on his coffee table.

“I told you it wasn’t presentable” she turned around with a ‘really?’ written all over her face and since he didn’t want to be roasted he changed the subject, “you can give me your coat”

“Okay. I’ll still tell you that this is nowhere near the level of unpresentable my place is.”

He smiled, couldn’t help it. She could still read him the way he read her and she was finally comfortable enough to show him that, that gave him hope. Didn’t know what to hope for, maybe friendship was all there was left in her now, but he’d take it. He had missed her.

“So, take out. I was thinking Thai?”

“Yeah, I know of a great place not so far from your apartment” she started looking at her phone, probably looking for the menu on their social media and he decided not to show her he had some printed menus on his coffee table as well. 

It was weird, seeing her in his home, sitting on his couch, looking at her phone, relaxed. It didn’t feel like it was the very first time she came here, it felt like she was always there and it kind of scared him, because he didn’t know what her intentions were, what if she just wanted to catch up and then they’d never see each other again?

“So, pick whatever you want, on me”, she said passing him her phone.

“Shouldn't I be inviting you since it’s your birthday?” he asked while looking at the screen, thinking about how he wanted a promo number four.

“You remember?” she whispered and he realized he let it slip. He looked at her, surprised, lips parted and eyes glowing. What he wouldn’t give to kiss her right now. But he didn’t know if she wanted it and he wasn’t going to assault her on their first encounter since the fight.

“Yeah, we were friends for a long time, Clarke. Of course I remember.” He didn’t know why he was whispering too and she tried to hide a smile while looking at the floor. Maybe she was as flustered as he was. “Happy birthday, by the way”

“No present?”

She was messing with him and he couldn’t help but to smirk this time, “I didn’t know I’d see you again, but if you want something other than a number four promo, let me know”

She put her finger on her chin, pretending to think, but there was a twinkle in her eyes, she knew what she wanted and he wondered briefly if she knew about the locket. 

“I was thinking maybe you could give me a copy of a book you have written. Autographed, of course.”

That he wasn’t expecting. Would she realize that the fierce blonde protagonist was her if he gave her Tondisi? Would she read through the lines and see herself as the great lost love of August in Polaris? Would he be safer giving her the short stories, where she was usually a friend, a confidant or a flirtatious girl. But she wanted a book.

“Okay. I don’t have my first published book, actually” he was lying, but the safer option had to be Tondisi. “But I have the one I’m writing a sequel for”

“I’d love to read it” she smiled broadly, pride beaming from her eyes and he felt the way she always made him feel when they were younger.

“Okay, why don’t you call for the food and I’ll go get one for you”

“Great”

He went to his room, finally took off his own coat and looked for a copy on his bookshelf. He had two, one for Octavia when she’d get back and the other one in case someone else wanted it. He didn’t know who that’d be but he’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he was thinking about sending it to her. ‘I made it’ would be the only note besides the book. He had fantasized about it once or twice, but never thought this book would actually end up on her hands. 

Once he got back to the living room he couldn’t help but to feel entranced, there she was, on his sofa, without her shoes and her feet under her, making faces while looking at her phone, always so focused, always giving her all when it came to paying attention. The woman in her living room wasn’t the teenager he had known so well, she was a stranger for him. She wasn’t always wearing vintage tees, the white cardigan and old Chuck Taylors. She didn’t drag him every wednesday to get coffee or an ice cream, depending on the season. She didn’t always hum under her breath when she thought no one would notice. She didn’t jump into his jeep late at night, whenever he called her because he was having a bad day. She didn’t call him whenever she was having one and needed the distraction. 

But she looked exactly like that girl, he felt like he could just sit by her side and they’d cuddle and watch a movie while she talked the whole time about her day and then be surprised about how the movie ended. And they’d laugh about stupid shit and if things were like the last few months before the end they’d kiss and maybe go to bed together and she’d snore if the day had her tired and he’d feel at peace.

“Bell? Everything okay?”

He realized he had been staring silently like a creep so he duck his head and tried to smile. “Yeah, I just don’t know what to write. Do you still like vintage tees?”

“Oh yeah. I love thrifting, and all because of you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, I remember one day I was bitching about how I didn’t like history and that it wasn’t useful and you, as the nerd you are,” she said smiling, “started ranting about how much history was needed and how great it was to know about it and when I didn’t get it you started talking about the shirt you had on, it was your father’s and your mom told you stories about him wearing it and then you told me stories that happened with you wearing it and now everytime I buy a vintage tee I think about what people went through while wearing them, why they gave them up, all of that”.

“You never told me that.”

“I thought it was obvious,” she looked at her hands, maybe a little flustered, “that’s why I gave you so many of them”

He smiled and walked towards her, sat by her side and said “I still got all four.”

“Really?” she asked, looking directly at him, with shiny eyes and beautiful parted lips.

“Of course, I could never get rid of them.”

They were in silence for a while, looking at each other, assessing each other. He was afraid he’d said too much, but she seemed content with that piece of information and he thought it was worth it if he embarrassed himself. I mean, she must totally know he’s not over her yet, but she seems fine with that.

Maybe they could be friends in spite of his feelings. 

With that in mind, he wrote on the first page of the book, blocking her view and smiling at her quizzical face.

“Why are you hiding it from me, you know I’m going to read it, right?”

He finished his signature and then motioned to give it to her, as soon as her hand was within reach he pulled the book back, “There’s only one condition for you to have this.”

“I thought it was my birthday gift.”

“I still need conditions”

She smiled and rolled her eyes, “fine, what are your conditions?”

“You can’t read this on your birthday. Any of it.”

“What? Why?”

“That’s my condition.”

She moved to look at him more comfortably and sighted, “Only if you tell what it is about”.

“Deal. It’s about a girl who had to grow up too fast, but found strength in adversity and had to make a very important decision somewhere down the line.”

“That’s cool and all but I could think of a thousand books about that. I need more information.”

“Okay, it’s kind of a dystopian universe, where people have gotten harsher and more violent. She’s been on a cryo-pod for 120 years, her parents put her and people her age on these things to protect her from the end of the world, but that didn’t happen. They did die, though. So, now she’s on a very different Earth and she has to learn how to survive, taking on a leading role because they’re mostly all kids and she’s a natural at leading.”

“They say writers put pieces of themselves on their art and I always thought you could lead an army anywhere.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when you lead a demonstration in school because of the board wanting to cut down the number of scholarships? Everyone followed you, you inspired them.”

“I had to, it was the only way I could think of where O could stay in school. They were going to take away hers, even when I volunteered to give mine to her.”

“I never knew that’s why you did it. I should’ve known, though. Every stupid thing you did, you always did it for her.”

“She used to be my responsibility.”

“What happened?”

“She’s her own responsibility now. And I’m mine, and as much as it’s hard and it did hurt when she told me she didn’t want me around anymore, it’s been good. A total change, not a welcomed one but a needed one. I can finally be her brother, I used to be her mom and dad and that wasn’t healthy. We learned to be siblings.”

“I’m glad you guys figured it out.”

“It wasn’t easy, but it was needed.” She put her hand on his knee and suddenly he remembered that he hadn’t seen her in years and she was still so easy to talk to. He could still be vulnerable with her. It felt good.

“What about you? Any new development?”

“I…” she removed her hand and sat straight, maybe he was the only one still felling the connection. “I’m fostering a kid.”

“What? How?”

“She was one of my first kids in therapy, actually. She was in foster care for a politician, someone who thought just throwing money at the kid would help, but then my mom gave her my number when she realized the kid wasn’t getting better at opening up and we got close. Very close. The woman lost her election and put her in foster care again, when I knew about it I just… I couldn’t let her be out on her own. I’ve been fostering her for a year now, but I’ve known her for two.”

“What’s her name? How old is she?” he asked smiling, he loved kids.

“Madi, she's ten” she responded with a blinding smile. “Would you like to see a picture of her?”

“You really are like a proud parent. I’d love to.” 

She smiled sheepishly and looked through her phone, there was one of the two of them, smiling brightly at the camera. “This was the day I got her. We went for ice cream and shopping. I told her she could decorate her room anyway she wanted.”

“She’s beautiful and actually kind of looks like you. Are you sure you didn’t have a kid at seventeen and hid her from us?”

“You would’ve been the first to know”

He would, but he wasn’t the first she told when she got Madi. He was going to say something about it, anything to clear the air and talk about that night but the doorbell rang and he had to run to get the food.

“Here” he said, giving her chopsticks and putting her food on the coffee table and she smiled at him, it was sad, because she was probably thinking the same thing he had.

“Thanks.”

An awkward silence, they started to eat but he could tell there was something that shifted and he didn’t know how to fix it. 

“And where is she now?”

“With my mom, she wanted me to have lunch with you.”

“She knows about me?”

“Of course she does. She knows about all of you: Octavia, Raven, Monty, Jasper, Murphy, Lincoln, rest in peace.”

“I don’t know why I hung out with you guys, you were too young for me.”

“C’mon, you're just a year older. And we both know you wouldn’t have anyone near your sister without your approval, so you had to meet us.”

“True.”

“Once you did you couldn’t let us go, because we were way too cool.”

“No, you were not.” He smiled, the space between them was filled with happy memories and levity, none of that tense air from before and he decided that he wanted that for the rest of the lunch, maybe afterwards would be better to talk about the things left unsaid. He wanted to have one last good memory before things could potentially go to shit. 

So they talked about their friends, about Monty getting married in a few months, and how maybe if they hadn’t seen each other today they would’ve met there. How Jasper had grown into so much more than he once was and how Octavia had to let her grief take her to see the world or she would’ve end up focusing all her energy into bad things and boy did that girl have energy. 

They talked about Clarke’s mom and how she remarried a couple of years ago, with a politician. 

Suddenly Clarke's phone rang and the picture of a brunette, blue eyed little girl showed up and he smiled, knowing his time was up.

“Hey kid” responded Clarke, smiling sadly at him, probably on the same page. They seemed to have already synchronized. “Yeah, I just finished eating. No, I’m not alone, I’m with Bellamy. No you cannot meet him today. Okay. Tell my mom I’ll be home in fifteen minutes, see you there.” She hung up and put her container and chopsticks on the table. “I should go, my mom has stuff to do and is going to drop Madi home in twenty minutes."

“Okay, it’s cool. Can I have your number? So we can see each other again?”

“Of course, I was about to ask you the same thing.”

He typed his number on her phone and then called himself to have it registered.

“You won’t be able to get rid of me, though. Just so you know.”

“That’d… be actually good.”

There it was again, the tension, the unsaid, the look in her eyes. So much to say and so little time.

“Remember, read it tomorrow.” She smiled and he did too, because his try at levity worked and because whenever Clarke smiled he followed, it was instinct.

“I will.” She stood up and so did he, he helped her put on her coat and she squeezed his arm before opening the door.

“Bye, Clarke.”

“Bye, Bellamy.”

She was about to leave, but he could see hesitation in her eyes, feelings and words simmering under the surface, she turned around and he felt like there was too much tension in the air to close the door, he knew she wasn’t leaving.

“Bellamy?” she whispered without turning around.

“Yes?” he whispered back, knowing where this was going.

“Why did you do that?”

He knew what she meant, because it was the moment he replayed in his head over and over again when he couldn’t sleep and missed her. He knew she meant the last time they saw each other.

_“What are you doing here?” he said opening the door, crossing his arms, not inviting her in._

_“I haven’t seen you since my birthday” she said looking at her shoes, she knew she messed up and he knew she would after the party. He knew she’d regret it once the thrill expired._

_“Didn’t realize you knew I was there.”_

_“Yeah, I saw you, turning around, but I didn’t know you were leaving._

_“Yeah, someone called me.” he lied, trying to save his pride, even though he knew it was useless, she could always see right through him._

_“Who?” she asked, crossing her arms, chin up, ready to take on him. God he was going to miss her._

_He sighted and scrubbed his face with his right hand. “Look, I’m sorry I left, but it looked like you were having a great time. You didn’t need me there.”_

_“Of course I did, you’re my best friend.”_

_“Until you leave for school in a few days, then you’ll find a new best friend and a new friend group of scholars you’ll have more fun with.”_

_She took a step back, as if he had hit her in the chest and with anger and sadness in her voice asked, “How can you think I’ll replace you?”_

_“Because you already are” he said, loudly, finally losing his cool and letting her see how much she hurt him._

_“Bell..”_

_“Don’t. I get it, Clarke, I just need you to leave.”_

_“Bellamy, please…” he could see her eyes getting glassy and he could feel his as well, so he closed the door and stormed to his room, he could feel in his heart that would be the last time he’d ever see Clarke and it hurt, it hurt not to take a good look at her, not to tell her how he felt, but he couldn’t forget the way his heart broke when he saw her kissing Lexa. And he knew that what he said was true, she’d forget about the kids in her hometown and this would be just one of the many times Bellamy would be replaced or forgotten._

_He had to let her go._

“What?” he asked cowardly, reveling on the few seconds he had before she knew the truth.

“You know what” she said louder, letting him see there was anger still, but sadness too.

“Clarke… There’s so much to talk about that… I…”

“Just tell me, Bellamy! Why did you pull away from me like that? Why didn’t you answer my calls? Why did you think I’d replace YOU. Of all people” she finally turned around and her eyes were glassy once again and he hated himself for it.

“I was hurt” he admitted, finally and then it felt like he wouldn’t be able to breath if he didn’t tell her everything, “I was in love with you, Clarke, I had this whole plan where I’d tell you that on your birthday, I got there with flowers and a gift and even a new shirt and I got there and you were kissing Lexa.” She opened her mouth but he had to let it all out, so he kept talking, “I know I didn’t say I liked you before, because I wanted for it to be a romantic gesture. I wanted to say that I loved you and I wanted to tell you that I didn’t care if we had to be long distance, I wanted to try and get O to go to a university in Boston too, so I could move there. I wanted to get a job and be around you, for as long as you’d have me. I had a whole damn speech, Clarke.”

He sounded miserable, he knew, because he was. She looked devastated, her face was covered in tears and her mouth agape. “I’m so sorry” she said suddenly and rushed to hug him. She did it so fast and unexpectedly that he had to take a step back but as soon as he realized what was going on he wrapped his arms around her, tight, he had missed feeling her so close.

After a few minutes of silent hugging he caved in, he didn’t want her to feel like it was all her fault, “I should’ve told you how I felt before”

She pulled away, ready to argue, but her phone rang again and she cursed under her breath. “I really need to have this conversation but I need to get to Madi too”

“I can walk you home if you want me to” he offered, knowing how pathetic he must’ve looked. He just confessed being in love with her when they were young, but he also wanted as much time with her as possible.

“I’d love that” she said wiping her face, he gave her a tissue and went to his room to get his coat and the locket as well, to have it all out there. They started walking in silence at first and then she started talking quietly. “I shouldn’t have made such a rush decision. I was hurt, too. I thought I was just a friend with benefits for you and Lexa offered me more, I thought that’s what I wanted, but I felt awful immediately after the kiss. When I saw you walk away, I knew I messed up.”

“We were stupid kids, we didn’t know any better”

“I knew I lost you, right there. I almost ran after you.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“My pride? I thought you were just mad because our deal wasn’t on anymore. I was so stupid.”

They walked in silence again, they had gotten to the street and it wasn’t raining anymore, but it was cold. Clarke linked her arm to his.

“Do you think it would’ve worked? If I had gotten to tell you my plan”

“Of course, I was head over heels for you, Bell. I wanted to ask you to apply to a college near me”

“I had to pay for Octavia’s”, he said still sad about it.

“That’s why I didn’t.”

Another silence, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. She felt the same way about him and they blew it. Miscommunications and hiding their feelings ended up in years of doubt and questions and he finally could talk about it with her, he could finally have some answers.

“Do you think we’d still be together?”

“I don’t know. I know things would’ve been easier with you by my side. I know we found each other again, living fifteen minutes away from each other again. It can’t be a coincidence”, she seemed unsure and his heart started galloping in his chest, did she..? Could she still…? “Unless it’s too late.”

She stopped and looked at him, really looked at him for the first time that day. Without walls around her, without hiding her feelings, she was being open and he could see that she meant it. She wanted it.

This was it, what he was waiting for for his entire life since he met her: a chance. 

“It’s not too late for me” he whispered, brushing her hair from her face and he could feel the moment she exhaled.

“It’s not too late for me either.”

She had a small smile and universes in her eyes and as much as he wanted to see those, he wanted to kiss her, more than anything else in the entire world. So he did.

She smiled bigger on the kiss and then responded eagerly, maybe as eager as he was and as lost as he was in the moment and in the way her lips moved against his, he thanked god or any god that made this moment possible, hell he even thanked her mom in case she had anything to do with it. 

“I know I don’t know who you are today and we need to catch up a lot, but I have to tell you that I’m half in love with you already, if not fully, but that would scare you.” He confessed against her lips and she laughed, seemingly relieved and happy. _He made her happy._

“I’m there myself, I might have fallen in love all over again with you today, or maybe I just never stopped.”

“I can’t believe this, Clarke Griffin loves me.” he said shaking his head, smiling and she smiled giddily, making him love her more if it was possible. He grabbed her head with both his hands and pulled her for another kiss, because he might’ve had just one but he was already addicted.

“I really don’t want this to end, like, I really don’t, but I need to get to Madi.” She said, taking her hands off his shoulders.

“Okay, I can walk you all the way there, but I need to do something first”

She frowned and he took the locket box from his pocket, "Are you proposing?"

He laughed, "maybe, you should open the box". He waited patienly while she took the locket out and then saw as her chin wobled. "Are you okay?"

"You kept it?"

"Of course I did, it's yours. I had to give it to you someday, I just didn't know when."

She jumped to his arms and kissed him again, desperately. 

“You could actually stay the night, if you want to. If it’s not too much pressure.”

She resumed walking, this time holding his hand and dragging him and he smiled again, feeling how light he was after finally confessing his love “You want me to meet Madi?”

“I do. It doesn’t have to be today, but she really wants to meet you, too.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That you were my best friend and Octavia’s sister. She loves looking at her instagram, she thinks she’s a badass.”

“You didn’t tell her about anything else?”

“I said I used to be in love with you, but you weren’t and she said it was a lie because of the way you looked at me in pictures. I don’t know why but she thinks you were always giving me heart eyes”

“Because I was.” he admitted, grinning and Clarke gave him another kiss before walking again.

They found Abby’s car on the sidewalk and decided to stop the hand holding, mostly because of Madi, they wanted to take it slow in front of her. She walked out of the car the minute they were visible.

“I knew you’d come! Clarke said I couldn’t meet you today but I knew I would” she said instead of hello and he smiled once again, he hadn’t smiled so much in so long his face muscles started to hurt.

“Nice to meet you Madi” he said offering his hand, she took it and smiled brightly.

“Nice to meet you, Bellamy. Come, there’s a puzzle I’d like you to help me with.” She said without letting go of his hand and dragging him to the building.

“Bye, mom. Thank you” said Clarke before going to open the door to the building, she smiled at him and lifted an eyebrow when they were close enough and he just shrugged. 

“I’m great with kids” he whispered before letting himself be dragged again. 

Once inside the house, they all lost their jackets and Madi ran to her room to get the puzzle, she was wearing a white cardigan under her coat.

“I’m sorry, I told you she was excited about meeting you.” she said a little nervously, probably mistaking his pensive look with something else.

“She’s great, Clarke. I already like her.” He smiled at her and gave her a quick peck. “Is she wearing the cardigan I gave you on your sixteenth birthday?”

“The one I never took off? Yeah, I stopped wearing it everyday and only used it on sad days and since I didn’t want her to see me sad I never wore it around her, she found it in the closet and asked me if she could have it, since I didn’t wear it. It was hard parting with it, but I can still wear it once she goes to sleep.”

“I can give you another one, you know”, he teased her grinning.

“I think I’ll be fine now, I have the real deal.” She pulled him into a hug and his chest exploded with the feelings, happiness, love, contentment, peace.

She always had the ability to make him feel important, needed, and suddenly he understood what it would feel like to be that cardigan.

“And you won’t be able to pass me along to the new generation”

“I hope not, maybe I’ll be forced to, she seems to love you already.”

“She’s got her charm as well, but I gotta say I’m a bit more fond of you.”

“You better”

“Alright, let’s play!” screamed the little girl walking towards them, smiling brightly.

“Since you two will be puzzling, can I read my book?” asked Clarke sitting on the sofa, looking at them open the puzzle on the coffee table.

“Fine.” He conceded and tried to concentrate on the puzzle, but was hyper aware of her reading his note.

She looked at him and he couldn’t help but to raise his gaze towards her, her eyes were glassy again, but this time there was also a smile on her face.

“I think I’ll better help you.” She sat by his side and kissed his cheek before starting to move pieces and her hands were trembling, he knew why: she was choked up. 

He squeezed her hand and started turning pieces over, they had to talk, had to get to know the new parts of each other, see how they fit in their new lives, but they could work on those slowly. He could tell her, show her, prove to her how much she meant to him and they had time for that, but now, they have to build a puzzle.

Later, when Maddie was asleep he read the note for her and kissed her until he couldn’t feel his lips anymore.

“Like I inspired you and your love for vintage tees, you inspired me and this book. The protagonist is inspired by a courageous, smart and bossy blonde that I couldn’t get out of my mind from the first moment I laid eyes on her face. With all my love, Bellamy.”


End file.
